I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
