Cold hands, warm shart.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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