Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As shirtless as possible
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
