I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
