woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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