sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
