i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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