This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
