Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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