we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize