nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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