How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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