Umm I'm too high to move.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
