so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
