I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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