I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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