He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
