can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
