Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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