i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We left the knife in your bed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
