what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
