i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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