Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
