Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
