Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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