In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
