My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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