Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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