People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
