If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
