My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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