Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have fence marks all over my body
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
