Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
