there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize