That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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