if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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