i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
