Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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