Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
