Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My balls are so social today.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
