Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
