I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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