I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
