Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
