it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
