I wish I could teleport
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
