it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
