did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
