You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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