Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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