Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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