if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
