I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
