i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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