I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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