Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
