His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
