im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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