even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
