Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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