do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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