I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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