i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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