i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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