I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are two peas in an std pod
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
