What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
