a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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