apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
