my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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