So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
