I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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