She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
