I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
