theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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