I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
