i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize