Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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