I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
