Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
