It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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