WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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