Apparently you make a good broom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
