This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
